9. All white, upper middle class suburbs, defined as having one or more subdivisions characterized by "McMansions," will be forcibly evacuated by units of the National Guard. The snivelling, spoiled, whiny residents will be herded into crowded, nonairconditioned semi- trailers and hauled to Miami Beach.

10. From there, the snivelling, spoiled, whiny McMansionistas will be loaded onto rickety skiffs and sailing craft, then set adrift in the general direction of Mariel, Cuba.

11. A daily five minutes of love will be observed each day at sundown (this was the idea of bfa, my appointee for Chief of Presidential Concubines--which is a top secret executive branch department initially created during the Kennedy Administration, but one whose influence had languished until the Clinton Administration).

12. You may reach out and hug the nearest anyone who is opposite of yourself in some way. First, however, you must get a signed release from the intended target of your affection which absolves you of any responsibility or liability for sexual assault, assault and battery, assault with intent to commit mayhem, etc.
    

 

1. The female business suit will be abolished in all federal buildings by executive order, including at the White House and on Capitol Hill. Someone please urge Hillary and the rest of "the ladies of the left" to update their wardrobes now, please.

2. The Donkey in Chief will immediately suspend all military operations in Iraq, save those which relate to humanitarian aid.

3. Saddam will be reinstalled as President of Iraq but only if he agrees to (A) always appear in public in his skivvies (especially when smoking a cigar and shooting a rifle into the air--he can leave his hat and scarf on) (B) take part each year in the mens skivvy shoot for the JC Penney catalogue during the entire length of his term in office.

Donkeytale's best friend, Munchak the Lawn King, makes no bones about his right wing politics. His bookshelf carries classic titles by the likes of Bennett, Coulter, and Neil Young.

In other words, this guy's bona fides are certifiable, if you know what I mean.

said the surfer through his teeth
There's too much unison here
and there's not enough comic relief

All the people they moan and whine
while the rich ones gobble their turf
maybe if they just stopped typing and fought it out
They would claim control of the earth

All inside the kosstower
we all maintained our view
that everythings reversible
even a dumbass like you

And outside in the distance
the rich didnt really care
They were searching for a donkey
to light fire to his hair

---"All Along the Watchtower"
by Bob Dylan

1. Every single note and lyric of every single Dylan song (including all cover versions, especially Bill Shatner's). In fact, Donkeytale traces all the failure in his life back to an adolescent's fervent belief in the meaning of all things "Dylan."

2. LSD--technically not music, but remember that night-1969--or '73, maybe-- lying in bed, brain dripping orange sunshine over the scratched and skipping scratched and skipping BlondeonBlondeonBlondeonBlondeonBlondeonBlonde

"Now the rain man gave me two cures
and he said 'jump right in'
The one was Texas medicine
and the other was just railroad gin

And like a fool I mixed them
and it strangled up my mind

And now people just get uglier
and I have no sense of time"

3. I have no idea if these are the actual words in the song, but there are hundreds, maybe thousands of songs that would be greatly improved if BMI, ASCAP or Michael Jackson would simply give Donkeytale title to the entire American Songbook for purposes of improving the lyrics.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

" Man, says, Marx, is an object to man. That is true. But it is also true that I am a subject to myself insofar as my fellow man is an object to me. And that is what separates us. He and I are not homogeneous: we cannot be a part of the same whole except in the eyes of a third person who perceives us both as a single object. If we could all be, simultaneously and reciprocally, both object and subject for each other and by each other, or if we could all sink together into an objective totality, or if, as in the kantian city of ends, we were never anything but subjects recognizing themselves as subjects, the separations would cease to exist."

My mother Donkette is retired from the defense contracting industry, which along with that other noted industry of death and destruction, The Movie Business, built the shining city on the hill where she lives out her quiet years, just down the street from the 5th generation gangbanger and his mijos, and directly across from the up and coming, not to mention well rehearsed, death metal thrash glam band SuckerFucker.

I only wish Nathanael West had met Donkette before he offed himself. He might still be living out his twilight years with her there in the barcalounger at the end of the courtyard in the crumbling pink stucco shack that in West's time would have been called a "bungalow."

That I now come to the Daily Kos mainly to satisfy my intense feelings of superiority over the "progressive" dolts who continue to clog up cyberspace with meaningless gibberish, does not really mean that I am superior.

That the leader of the Western World is a mind numbing idiot pushing the "conservative" agenda (which simply means an agenda dedicated to pushing the entrenchment of European-descended wealth, religious and moral values on a world hostile to western civilization) does not really mean the "Dumocrats" are superior to the "Rebumblicans."

To even state my thesis, one has to accept a premise that is arguable, in and of itself.

And that is, the nation-state is an outdated concept in the information age, and will become extinct sooner or later as increasingly mobile world populations succumb to their natural human curiosity and attraction to people who are different from themselves and intermingle/ intermarry to the extent that the concept of "race" is banished forever.

Paradoxically, the subsequent generations begat as a result of the sexual attraction to physical differences will produce a human race that, at least in physical appearance, will begin to eliminate the very differences that were the initial inspiration leading to the increased homogeneity of human beings in the first place.

The concurrent spread of the internet and other media will only hasten the spread of a more and more homogenized culture to match the blending of racial characteristics in humans.

Indeed, that these twin phenomena of human physical and cultural homogeneity have already begun to be visible to the naked eye, appear to bolster my thesis.

Donkeytale's sainted mother, known affectionately to all her little asses as "Donkette", used to say that the "yellow" races were destined to rule the world.

"It says so right there in the Book of Revelations." she would remark confidently.

And just like the immortal Doug Sahm (Sir Douglas Quintet), in the opening of his 1967 hit "Mendocino", he wants to thank all the Beautiful People for all the Beautiful Vibrations. He Loves You.

I am still not sure why Sahm left San Antonio for Northern California, but hey it was the sixties! And he eventually found his way back home to make great music with the Texas Tornadoes, who also featured ex- SDQ partner Augie Myer, Conjunto superstar Flaco Jimenez and the great Mexican American doo wop singer Freddy Fender.

You may remember from last time, Yahwe--I mean DeityFromCt, had just announced his candidacy for Deity-in-Chief against the cunning, amoral incumbent, George W. Lucifer.

Only Satan would start a war of the tragic proportions of the the War in Iraq, under false pretences, and then keep piling lie atop lie just in order to win reelection.

Still, he's one tough hombre on the campaign trail and Yah--I mean DeityFromCt has a long record thats pretty difficult to defend--that is, he alone is responsible for the creation of humanity, and Lucifer will not let him forget the long history of humanity's ruinous folly during the campaign.

I will come right out and declare that I am an Edwardsian as opposed to a Deanisian. I state this now so the majority of you can get back to your "Tears and Fears Friday" routine without wasting any more of your precious time on my absurdities.

But hey! I like Edwards. After all, he is just an average joe from small town N.C. up from humble roots. Our greatest (as opposed to most overhyped) presidents have all come from humble roots.

Roosevelt. Kennedy. Sharpton.

WARNING--this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, either living or dead is purely coincidental, but meant with the purest of malevolent intentions.

Based on the ever increasing popularity of the "compilation" diaries, I have decided to throw together my own weekly roundup of the best hidden comments.

Since my own thought provoking and brilliant diaries never seem to get any play, this may be seen by some kossacks as just another shameless ploy for attention by Donkeytale.

If you are one of those, then all I can think of to say is "fuck off, asshole." Or FOA, using the official DKOS guidelines as stated in the technical directions for traditional DKOS diarists.

I have been off the internet for almost the entire two weeks of the holiday season & I can tell you that I now feel a whole lot better about life after the downtime.

Sure, several hundred thousand Asians have perished in an earthquake/tsunami double play that is a great tragedy, but I am having a hard time figuring a way to blame it on Bush, so I have moved beyond it already, except for a secret, shameful desire to see a similar seismic double play take out coastal California, and the sooner the better.

I have read with great interest and delight the many diaries expounding on the South and its current Redness.

One common thread among many of these diaries, which tend to be about the South from a Southerner's perspective, is that they don't seem to recognize that today's south is as different from the South in which they were born and raised (or learned about from 40-years-old Dylan records if they are "experts" on Southern culture living in NY, Boston, or SF)as today's California is different from the California where I grew up listening to those same Dylan records when they were current.

I started to do some research on the "new" south and quite by accident came upon an Asian American weblog that summed up my attitude and beliefs so succinctly that here it is reprinted for you without further ado:

From an editorial in Tuesday's Austin American Statesman:

Ironically enough, Bush has made immigration reform a priority of his 2nd term, but so far hasn't ginned up much enthusiasm for it. The issue is so emotional and so divisive that its easier for the various sides to mouth platitudes and issue ultimatums than to go about the real work of overhauling immigration policy to reflect 21st Century economic realities.

Comprehensive solutions might be out of our grasp, but options like a guest worker program could be a start if the will is there. So far this will has been absent and the work remains undone.

Its hard work and Congress can't hire illegal immigrants to do it.